I'm not strong...

To admit that I'm not strong is for me like telling a little kid that there's no Santa or there's no tooth fairy...

Truth is though...

I'm not strong. I still can cry at the drop of a hat, I still miss his smile, His laugh, the way he smells, and more. I still dream of him.

I'm not strong enough to move on. I want him back in my life and the silly thing is that He doesn't want me and I know that.

There's a couple of songs I've been listening to lately. I wish he could listen to them and he could understand them from my point of view.

'What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts
and "Here comes Goodbye" By Rascal Flatts

I've been so depressed and my whole world seems to be a mess. I can't seem to see what way is up. I feel like I could just fall down and not care anymore. I feel like I trusted someone and he threw it back at me,
I still want to be friends with him but the excuse I've been getting lately is that He's been too busy with school, etc.

I honestly wish sometimes that I didn't meet him. I don't understand why I'm going through everything,.

and then... After I've cried, I think to myself, I want him back and I'd date him again.

I hate this... I hate loving a man who doesn't love me back. He doesn't even care enough about me to even be friends like he asked. It doesn't even matter about everything that we went through, does it?

I pray every day for God's strength because I don't' have any left.

I dream of him. in my dreams, he kisses me and tells me it's going to be ok and that he's sorry and that he still loves me. Then I wake, and I realize that it was a dream and my heart is broken all over again. Each and every day is a struggle and I'm drowning...