The Hope for 2020

Christmas Eve 2019 was supposed to be so happy. It was but I was so depressed. I was supposed to have been 8 weeks pregnant on Christmas 2019 and I couldn't imagine that I would ever be not depressed. It wasn't anyone's fault. The problem was that I had this huge romantic feeling that being pregnant would make things all better. That my life would be complete. But my first pregnancy was nothing like I had imagined. We only told half our family, We had some family members that weren't happy or didn't appear to be, My Husband wasn't as excited as either of us thought it would be and then after just a few days, we lost that baby. Believe what you will, but I believe that life begins at conception. My baby might have never had a heartbeat, probably would have never survived the whole pregnancy but my baby was alive and was very important to me. When we lost that baby, I felt like a failure. I felt like my dream was being ripped away. I was worried and scared. In December of 2019, My husband told me that he didn't feel comfortable trying for a baby right away. He didn't want the miscarriage to happen again. We grew a lot and so close together but I was so depressed. 

I ended 2019 with such hope. Hope that my depression would go away, Hope that we'd have a healthy baby, Hope that we would be better at managing our finances, and hope that we'd enjoy life together and have fun. 

2020 has been a rough year for all of us but it's also had some good moments.

2020 started well for us. I added a new client in January and had very few migraines. I went to Michigan for a few days to see my best friend and my mom was able to come a meet her as well. I still battled my depression and anxiety but still was holding onto the hope things would get better.

February hit like a snowstorm, which we actually had lol. Early February while at the gym, I fractured the arch in my left foot. I've hurt this foot before in the same spot but this time, I had to wear a boot for a few weeks. My migraines came back and Money was tight. 

March - We started the month off with a bang. We flew together for the first time to Las Vegas (Which was a first for me.) to go to my Father-in-laws's wedding. It was a fast trip. We were gone for only 36 hours but it was so fun and I can't wait to go back someday. While in Vegas, I found out that I was going to be an Aunt. This is some of the best news I received in 2020 but it was also some really hard news that caused my depression and anxiety to spike. One the plane back from Vegas, I'm talking in a 3-4 hour time period, I went from feeling fine to feeling so sick. This was before I really knew a lot about covid. Something about me is that I hardly ever read the news so I knew of covid but I didn't lol. By the time we landed in Indy and my mom picked us up, I was so sick. My chest hurt so bad and I was coughing. I ended up being sick for a little over 2 weeks. I had a telehealth appointment with my doctor and she thought it was RSV and to stay quarantined. During my sickness, (We arrived home on March 4th) I started seeing more about Covid. We were home for 9 days before Indiana went into the Stay-At-Home Order. My cousins actually came back from Virginia the day before the stay at home order so they ended up staying for 1 week because, at that time, we all had hope that it would only be 2 weeks. 

April- Still in Quarantine. My life didn't change a ton. I was already working from home 90% of the time. Work was slow for me but Nick's was starting to pick up. I went to a state park that's close to our house multiple times a week to walk the day and help with my depression. This was the month that we decided to just let be what will be and stop preventing pregnancy. I went kayaking a few times with my family when it was warm. 

May - I felt like this month flew by! We went to a couple state parks. Me mostly with the dogs, I worked. May starts Nick's busy season so he worked a lot. Nick's company allows him to have his birthday off each year so it worked out great. We went hiking for his birthday and then for Memorial Day we went kayaking with Belinda and Emma Kate. 

June - was interesting lol I went to Virginia with my mom and sisters for a few days, we went to the beach and just had fun covid safe. Then we brought the girls back with us. With them here in Indiana, we went to lake Michigan 2 times, went kayaking, played games, had sleepovers, and much more. 

July- Charity came back over the 4th to get her kids. I turned 26 years old. On July 11th, the neighbor's tree fell and totaled our garage. This was a hard month. There are so many unknowns and adulting that you have to do when something like this happens. Thankfully with the help of all our friends, family, and insurance lady, it was a lot easier than it could have been. with the whole year and then this month, I decided that I needed help fighting my depression and anxiety. I talked to my doctor and she thought my depression was caused by my anxiety so she put me on some anxiety meds that really help. I also had a biopsy on something that I've struggled with for over 10 years. Thankfully it wasn't anything more than a skin rash and it's gone now. 

August - We had an interesting vacation. I had planned on telling you all about it but due to some of the information, I'm going to leave it as an interesting vacation. After Vacation, I felt like we (Nick and I) had a great month. We got a fish tank which has been nick's dream for years and at the end of the month, we found out that we were pregnant!

September - Started Great but then morning sickness hit and my migraines got daily. I gained 2 new clients and worked more this month than any other month since starting my business. 

October - I was sick for most of the month. We had a good moment. We went to Mackinaw Island with my family since we weren't able to go to Canada this year. It was a fun weekend. We brought Luna with us and it was fun to vacation with a dog. 

November - We had a death in the family and due to covid, we had a family-only memorial service in Ohio that we went to. We also went to thanksgiving at my parent's house. Nick got a deer for the freezer. 

December - Nick's worked a lot of weekends and We had a gender reveal party! We announced that we were having a girl and then we celebrated Christmas covid style with family. 

2020 is coming to an end. I had such hope for 2020 but I've learned that there's something good in everything. 2021 is looking good. So many things that I'm hoping will happen in 2021... Here's a shortlist. I'm hoping to do this every year so that I can look back and see if they come true

1) Have a Baby in April/May

2)  I would love to move houses. Our 800 Square foot house is getting small. I'm ready for a bigger house. 

3) I'm hoping that Covid improves and the borders open and we're able to take Della to Canada.

4) I'm hoping that Nick continues to like his job and continues to improve with his knowledge of HVAC. 

What's your plan for 2021? Do you have hope or dread for 2021? With this year, I've been seeing so many Facebook post about 2021 being like 2020.